Me

So I have thinking quite a bit lately about how I interact with God and what my relationship with God really consists of. My thoughts and putting these thoughts here stem from reading James this morning. James 5:16 reads, "Therefore confess your sins to each other..." My relationship, or lack of relationship has been bothering me and this is an attempt to start the process of rebuilding and pursuing God.

This is what I wrote down this morning:

I am bad at this. This being a great multitude of things, in which I can only ask God's help and forgiveness. I rely too much on ME. I make almost zero effort to ask God for help and rarely do I strive to be closer to Him. Is this really what a Christian is supposed to look like? I know I am never going to be perfect, but I imagine that God is not pleased with my faith or my relationship with Him. My life, my body, my thoughts, my actions are not my own. I am sorry for this distance between us. I need your help.

God's Timing

God has a funny way of doing things. His timing is impeccable and completely daunting at the same. My faith is about to be completely tested in a lot of ways that I am not sure I am ready for. God has put on my heart and my wife's heart an oppertunity to go overseas to Zambia, Africa for a couple of weeks of work with AIDS orphans. The reason the timing of this is so daunting and exhilerating at the same time is because the oppertunity that has been presented is much much sooner than we expected. We are planning on leaving on May 9th. Now your first reaction, as well as my own, is that this date is too soon and it does not provide enough time to actually plan the trip or fund raise.

This is where God, for me especially, will stretch the boundaries that embody this situation. I am the type of person that likes to rely on myself to get most things done. This situation really does not allow me to do so. I can frantically plan all I want for this trip to happen, but in all reality, it is in God's hands. He put this on our hearts, he provided the oppertunity, he will provide adequate funds for this to happen. I am learning about myself and my God everyday.

This trip will also be one of great importance to Lindsay and I's future. The work that we will be doing and get to experience in Zambia will be exactly what we plan on doing full time in the future. I am extremely excited and scared all at the same time.

I would ask that anyone who actually reads this meager blog to pray for this entire situation. Pray for God's plans that Lindsay and I cannot see yet. Thank you.