intentionality

i read a small tidbit online today and it sparked a thought and a reflection into my life. this little tidbit had something to do with the title of this post. the thought that came after reading this literally was, "what am i doing to purposely grow in my relationship with GOD." i quickly realized that there's a disturbing answer to my question. i thought about on a daily basis, a weekly basis, a monthly basis, and etc. i continued to be disappointed with my answers. my natural reaction is to be defensive (even though the criticisms are coming from my own thoughts). excuses are a part of my life, but avoiding them here is necessary for the kind of reflection that i need. i know what i would like to come from all of this. the next step and the next step have to be intentional. my relationship has to be intentional. that's true even with friends and family members. a friendship is not going to last if there is not an intentional effort from both parties. i have many friends from college and high school that i have to intentionally stay in contact with because it's not part of my everyday routine. we no longer live in the same city, which makes it more difficult and is an easy excuse to use. so how does that fit with my relationship with GOD? if i don't take intentional steps to stay in contact, how is that relationship going to last?

i know there are some things that need to change. i know there are some things that i need to intentionally start doing because my relationship with GOD has suffered.

Time

So the big question that I have today, which has seemed to be creeping up in my head lately, is "where does the time go".

It seems as though my day goes by so, so fast, which leads to my week going by even faster. This all in turn makes the months, seasons, and, I'm scared too say this for fear of seeming old, years go by very very quickly.

Not entirely too long ago, I was getting dropped off in front of the dorms to get all moved in and be out on my own away from home. Even before that, which again isn't too long ago, I was in High School sleeping through most of my classes and going to whichever sport I was in's practice on a daily basis. And just before then I was having a blast as a kid, playing 5 or 6 sports a year, playing G.I. Joes with my brother, attempting to protect my sister from my brother, going to the pool every single day during the summer, and just generally enjoying life.

I guess this kind of leads me to the second big question running through my head, "Am I enjoying my life".

My instant answer is yes for a ton of different reasons. I have a wonderful wife who makes me happy daily. I get to hang out with a bunch of different friends, spanning from even different time frames in life, i.e. now, college, high school, and childhood. I have a cat, which only makes me happy part of the time. I don't get to see my family as much as I'd like, but I always enjoy it when I do. My job is not bad, I enjoy that some of the time and it is getting more exciting and better. In my free time I get to do most of the things that I really enjoy, so this leaves me wondering, what is missing and am I really where I want to be right now.

Year One

This past weekend marked Lindsay and I's one year anniversary, which has caused me to do a bit of reflection. First off, I have to explain the weekend because I am proud of the surprise that I had for her. Lindsay has never been to Chicago, she loves shopping, and she loves surprises. So naturally, this was an easy one, I surprised her with a weekend in Chicago full of walking up and down Michigan Ave., stopping in any and every shop that sparked interest in her eye. We also were able to eat some great food, Chicago style pizza, and a fabulous dinner next to a window on the 95th floor of the John Hancock Tower. The weekend was fun, eventful, and relaxing. We were also able to stop back at the Oppy's in Indy for a short visit on Monday, which was nice and suiting because we haven't seen them in a while and Mick was the one who performed the ceremony.

My first reflection on this monumental occasion is that the past year has flown by, but at the same time I feel like Lindsay and I are well into our marriage. At times, this is so much so, that I feel like an old man and all I want to do when I get home from work is eat, watch the Reds game, and go to bed. Time has seemed to fly by.

Even though this past year has flown by, it has been extremely exciting. Lindsay and I have gotten to do a lot, which I realized just recently, and we have been blessed with cool oppertunities. We did our honeymoon thing in the Dominican Republic, which was amazing. We spent a weekend in New Orleans in December visiting my friend Daniel and going to Hornets game. We spent a weekend in a cabin in Pigeon Forge with Paul and Laura Travis, which was amazing, in January. Then we got to go to Zambia, Africa for two weeks this past May and work at an orphanage. Then the year was capped off with our trip to Chicago. Now that's not to say that we didn't do some more travelling in between, because I would guess that we were on the road more weekends than we were home, travelling to friends and family's houses.

Another reflection that I have made is that I am positive that I am a better husband at this time than I was a year ago. With that said, I am also positive that there is a ton more that I can get better at to be a better husband, to make my wife more appreciated, to show her love in different ways, and to quite simply be a better me.

I would like to think that on every July 13th I would be able to look back on the last year and say that I feel like I had gotten better at being a husband. I hope that there are years to come of getting closer to my wife.

Me

So I have thinking quite a bit lately about how I interact with God and what my relationship with God really consists of. My thoughts and putting these thoughts here stem from reading James this morning. James 5:16 reads, "Therefore confess your sins to each other..." My relationship, or lack of relationship has been bothering me and this is an attempt to start the process of rebuilding and pursuing God.

This is what I wrote down this morning:

I am bad at this. This being a great multitude of things, in which I can only ask God's help and forgiveness. I rely too much on ME. I make almost zero effort to ask God for help and rarely do I strive to be closer to Him. Is this really what a Christian is supposed to look like? I know I am never going to be perfect, but I imagine that God is not pleased with my faith or my relationship with Him. My life, my body, my thoughts, my actions are not my own. I am sorry for this distance between us. I need your help.

McCallister's and Some HS Drama

So last night after Lindsay and I had spent some time shopping in the Florence Mall we stopped at McCallisters because she had not eaten dinner. We sat outside because it was cooled down and nice outside. While sitting there, the place was busy with what seemed to be the characters from Laguna Beach. There was a group of three girls sitting right next to our table and another large group a little further away. One of the girls at the table made a phone call to what appeared to be another one of the girl's boyfriends or interested boys, that can only be summed up in the word drama. It ended in an obvious hang up from the party on the other side, which infuriated this girl, for reasons beyond me because she deserved to be hung up on. After some time of these girls discussing God knows what, the group got larger when some boys came along and joined them, which only added to the exciting drama of high schoolers hanging out during their summer break. The one question that I thought of after this experience was, "Was I like that when I was in high school?"

I told Lindsay that I don't remember being involved in the drama that was high school, but maybe I was. I have fond memories of high school and being around that last night only annoyed me. Maybe I was too inclusive to be involved in the stupidity of certain things that go on during high school, or maybe my memory has faded and I have forgotten the drama that went on. Either way, I may be avoiding high school hang outs for the rest of the summer.

Guilty by Association

So I have tattoos, 4 or 5 depending on how you look at it to. The first one that I got is the word live in Greek on my left shoulder blade. I got this one because it was the theme at a Christ In Youth summer week that I went to that ultimately lead me on the path that I am on. I really felt God tugging at my heart to follow him in the direction of Bible School and then full time missions. The second and third, are the initials of my Grandma and my Father on my chest. My Grandma was one of the most influential people in my life and I am grateful for her ability to put her kids and grandkids before herself pretty much all of the time. My mom, my brother, and I lived with her for a time when I was younger because there weren't a whole lot of options for us. She passed away when I was a Senior in high school. My father, who was never really a father figure, passed away when I was a Freshman in college. I only had about 8 months to catch up on lost time with him before he passed, but I thank God for that time because it brought a lot of closure to some difficult memories growing up. The lack of him in my life also produced the father figure that I beleive God meant for myself and my broher to have, Mark my step father and then adopted Father. The most recent, also the largest and most visible without my shirt ont, has brought me to have a few discussions with my mother about tattoos. On the inside of my right arm it reads, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for" and on he insdie part of my left arm (both in the bicep area) "and certain of what we do not see."

That was a long preface to the point of this post. I've been thinking a lot about how society and how people view tattoos. And something that comes up in my thought here, is how it is perceived from people within the church. I keep thinking that if I were to show up to a church that knew me and had a high opinion of me, would that change if I were to show them my tattoos. Would they see me in a different light? So I'd like to just ask a few questions to see what people think. Here are some of the thoughts that are running through my head. Does a person's opinion of the person that I am or anyone else change if they know that someone have tattoos? Is it justifiable to look down or negatively upon someone just because they have tattoos? Are tattoos wrong? and why?

Possibly Uninsightful

Apparently I have not had a whole lot of insightful things going on in my life or maybe the start of baseball season, the nice weather, my trip to Africa, and the lack of Travis in my life has lead me down this lonely, uninspiring path. That maybe completely false or the exact truth. So what have I really done lately? I've worked, I've watched TV, I've searched the web, checked my fantasy baseball teams, checked facebook, gone running several times, eaten quite a bit of food, enjoyed time with my wife, visited some family on different sides, gone to a couple movies, read just a bit, had a cookout, had a nervous night with my sister going to prom, text messaged, gone to church, listened to some music, given a piggy back ride, gone on some walks, and that might be about it. There are probably some details that I left out, but that's been the jist of my life since the last update on here. Oh, I also bought some plane tickets to Lusaka, Zambia, which may have been one of the more exciting moments.

Just a brief update for the millions of readers that I have.